Drunk chatter

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Maybe this is the night talking...But I miss you.
(its 1am. yes, night acts like a booze for me and yes it makes me drunk.)(as hell)
So, maybe this is the night talking... But I miss you.
I am not supposed to. after all, its been a long time and I was succeeding omitting you. 
what are you doing in my memory lane now?  Am I actually missing you?
I never liked you though. But I am missing you now. At this very moment.
I never liked you but I am missing the thought of having you on my side.
We did share a fair amount of time. some good and mostly bad memories, as I recall it now. 
Memories are funny. They can keep you alive or they can kill you inside. They will make you smile like an idiot or They will torture you so bad you'll never want to make memories again. But it's not in our hands, right? We can't just stop making memories! and its also not in our control not to memorize. 
Complicated!
But the thing is, I Am Missing you. 
I never liked you though. But the thought that someone is trying so hard did make me feel special. All the time that we spend thinking what we are doing is out of the world and how correct we were. but the truth is we made a terrible mistake. a terrible terrible mistake. No matter how hard I am trying to forget, it continues to haunt me and it will!  You know, Regret is greater force than anything in the world.
Regret!
The things you know you will never do, NEVER.
Things which we are afraid of,  things which we are terrified of, things we hate, things we know we shouldn't doing, things which are not our cup of tea and we know it for sure! things which are not us. Things which ultimately we regret. And one day you realize you did all of it. Just like that. How? and Why? who was I? 
Who was I, doing all that things which was not me. 
Now tell me, how do I undo all this things!
How do I not miss you.
How do I forgive me and forget you and forgo this?



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